About Me
Health and wellness have always been a priority in my life. I’ve consistently exercised, eaten well, and even majored in Nutrition in college. My relationship with alcohol, however, was the one area that held me back from complete wellness.
In my high school and college days, I used alcohol as a way of feeling comfortable socially. I had always been an introvert, somewhat shy and awkward in social situations. I believed alcohol helped me relax and loosen up. I was a weekend binge drinker who could never indulge in just one or two drinks. Being young and social, my drinking habits seemed fairly typical. Excessive drinking, particularly in college, was the norm. I joined a sorority and the partying would last for days. I became conditioned to the heavy weekend drinking routine I had developed over the four years while living on campus. I never questioned my behavior because I thought, “Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do in college?”
About Me
Health and wellness have always been a priority in my life. I’ve consistently exercised, eaten well, and even majored in Nutrition in college. My relationship with alcohol, however, was the one area that held me back from complete wellness.
In my high school and college days, I used alcohol as a way of feeling comfortable socially. I had always been an introvert, somewhat shy and awkward in social situations. I believed alcohol helped me relax and loosen up. Being young and social, my drinking habits seemed fairly typical. Who didn’t drink in college?
After college, I continued my weekend binge drinking. I knew the amount of alcohol I was consuming could not be good for me, but I was still intensely drawn to this routine. I made deals with myself. I did my best not to drink Monday to Thursday, figuring if I was alcohol-free for four days straight, it wasn’t that bad. I was hopeful that eating well and exercising would help counteract any possible negative effects alcohol was having on my body.
Unexplained infertility.
In my early 30s when my husband and I tried having children we struggled with fertility issues. After a battery of tests, we were categorized as having “unexplained infertility”. My husband and I started infertility treatments and happily ended up having twin sons in 2006. To this day, I still wonder if my excessive binge drinking contributed to our infertility.
After my boys were born, I officially became a stay-at-home mom. I suffered from postpartum depression, and the drinking started up again. The stress of being a first-time mother of not only one but two babies set in, and my drinking escalated quickly.
My husband and I welcomed another son three years later, and while I constantly reminded myself about how a “responsible mother” should behave, my weekend binge drinking continued. The guilt surrounding drinking had new meaning. I also realized that while motherhood was a blessing, I also felt trapped.
Being a role model for my children.
I tried to set limits and moderate my drinking, but every day was a struggle. It consumed so much of my thoughts, even on the days I was not drinking! At this stage, I was not overly concerned about my behavior because I figured my boys were not yet old enough to know what was going on.
When my boys got older, something started to shift. I started to worry if my boys were going to notice I was drinking too much or if I was being a good role model. With all the daily stress of motherhood, drinking was an escape.
I questioned whether or not a few hours of drinking were worth the guilt and mental and physical suffering that came after. As I got older, recovering from drinking became noticeably more difficult. I had such cognitive dissonance over the situation, knowing the amount of alcohol I was drinking was not healthy for me, but still doing it.
Lifelong battles come to a breaking point.
I spent the next few years trying to gain control. At one point, I was successful at living alcohol-free for seven months, but I soon found myself depressed, lonely, and isolated.
Alcohol was such a part of my social life, and I often felt like an outsider with friends because I was not drinking. I would eventually find myself back to dabbling and drinking occasionally, which then brought me right back to where I had started.
I would blackout and not remember conversations I had the night before. I was tired of hating and disrespecting myself, living every day with the feeling of a pit in my stomach, and feeling like I was constantly disappointing my loved ones.
I could not let my boys continue to see me behaving this way, treating my body like it was a piece of garbage. I was so disgusted with myself and was worried about the image I was painting for their future relationship with alcohol. Children do what parents do, not what they say, and I did not want them heading down this same path.
I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all of the time, and I worried about my life and future health if I continued drinking like I was.
I decided to make myself a priority.
Fortunately, there was no rock bottom or dramatic story that finally did it for me. It was instead a realization that was a long time coming, and I am so grateful that it eventually did.
I knew I had to start making better choices. I could not achieve complete well-being continuing on the path I was on.
I woke up on September 4, 2018, and told myself I was done, the party was over. Unlike previous attempts, I took a deep dive into educating myself about my relationship with alcohol, and the impact it had on my behavior for so many years. An amazing mindset shift had occurred for me. My mind was finally free of all the static that was constantly in my head for so long.
It was liberating and life-changing!
It has been over 4 years since I’ve been alcohol-free. In this time, I have found confidence, love, respect, and compassion for myself, all of which had always been very unfamiliar to me.
I have grown personally and professionally more in the last 3 years than in my entire life. I went back to school, (something I said I would never do!), graduated with 2 Master’s Degrees, completed 5 certifications, and started my own business supporting other moms on their journey to positive health and wellness.
And when I was so worried about having FOMO and no social life, the complete opposite happened. I still have many of the same friends in my social circle, while being alcohol-free has also opened doors to relationships with others who do not drink. I have “up-leveled” my social relationships because I have met some amazing alcohol-free friends who I have deeply connected with since I have stopped overindulging in alcohol. Friends who I am grateful for and who I would have never met if I didn’t decide to change course in my life.
My mind and body are free, and I’m right where I want to be. I have never felt better, and look forward to a bright future full of enhanced health and joy. I feel truly blessed that alcohol has finally become irrelevant, and I finally have complete freedom and control in my life!
Now, as a Health & Wellness Coach, I’m committed to supporting moms and helping them make lifestyle changes so that they too can lead healthier and happier lives.
My Credentials:
- Gray Area Drinking Certified Coach 2022
- National Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach 2021
- Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach 2021
- This Naked Mind Certified Coach 2020
- MS Health & Wellness 2019
- MS Holistic Nutrition 2019
- Certified Power Yoga Instructor 2019
Did my story resonate with you?
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